Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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