can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
