dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the raccoons are back...
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