Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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