If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Blood and glitter go together right?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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