Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
