areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
