That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
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