i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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