i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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