What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize