I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
