This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
