I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
sex in a hospital.. check
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
