Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he thought i was a dude.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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