so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
