yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
