Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
