Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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