and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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