I skipped work to stalk him.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
