also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize