just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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