kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
