Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
