I can text with my tongue
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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