So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
