Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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