I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
