How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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