If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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