Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is her dick bigger than yours?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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