trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
