some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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