who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
