please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
