I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
