Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize