I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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