Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I checked into jail on foursquare
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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