I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
