Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
