When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
