K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i think i have herpe
just one?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
