Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
