I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
