I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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