she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
