i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
