You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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