Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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