pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
