he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
