I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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