Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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