I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
