Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
