Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I got inside last night via doggy door
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
