I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
But break dance skills will only take you so far
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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