Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
