The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
