For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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