Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
