I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
