Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
