I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
