i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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