i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
