At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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