i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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