So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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