So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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