Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
