hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
