no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
