sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i think my tv is drunk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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