Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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