There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
