So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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