He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
