never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
