gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
