If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My pussy is not your playground.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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