actually, I'm a sock model
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
