Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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