he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
